to watch little kids be aaaall excited about seeing Santa and then the minute they get close to him they freak out and start bawling.

That’s right kids, he’s just a creepy old man, after all.

I’m sure you’ve all realized how much I love children.  They really are one of my favorite parts about working at the mall.  Their sniveling noses, their sticky hands, their love for candy and crying.  My favorite thing about children is their constant amusement with screaming as loud as possible for absolutely no reason at all.  I wish I could scream all the time, but I don’t, do I?  

Nope, because that is no way to behave unless you are an orangutan.  Which brings me to my point.   

See, after the kids visit Santa and are all filled with glee because Santa told them they are totally getting that Warcraft 3000 video game or whatever, they receive a paper “crown.”  This paper “crown” has two “reindeer antlers” and a Santa hat in the middle.  But from the back, it just looks like a misshapen head with ears.  After being in the middle of the mall with children running in circles and screaming all around you, your thoughts begin to warp.  Now, when I look around me the only thing I can see is little, mutant rodents.  Midget sized, shrieking sewer rats that have come to put sticky residue over every surface of the mall!  RUN!  Run for your life!!!  The 3-eared monsters are everywhere and they are coming to snot all over you!

I haven’t posted anything in quite some time, but for any of you who are interested, I have a new blog that chronicles the ridiculousness of my new job, which is in a mall….

malltales.tumblr.com

So what!?  I’m sorry to burst your bubble, everyone, but this doesn’t mean shit.